Neville Longbottom: The Life and Times of a BAMF
by DrWheezy
Summary: It's a hard life being such a BAMF


Neville Longbottom sat hidden in a chair in the common room. He looked down at his blue pyjamas with little teddy bears scattered across them and smirked to himself. He was kind of enjoying his role as the bumbling idiot; it took attention away from him and meant he had plenty more time to himself than if he had been allowed to be himself. When Dumbledore had asked him before the school year had started to please play down his abilities, to bide his time and give others a chance to shine, Neville had been reluctant, but now he had had the opportunity to see what Harry Potter went through, the pointing and whispering to start with, he was glad that he had agreed.

He sighed to himself and looked up into the dying embers of the fire. He was getting a little impatient now, waiting for Harry and his friends to sneak out and mess things up again. If he had been allowed free reign he could have sorted this whole Philosopher's Stone dilemma out by now but again he had promised Dumbledore to let others try first. Finally he heard movement and hushed voices behind him.

"What are you doing?" Neville asked rising dramatically from the darkness and clutching Trevor, his toad and key prop in his act. He saw Harry desperately try to hide something behind his back; it looked like an invisibility cloak; Neville held back his scoff.

"Nothing, Neville, nothing" Harry answered quickly though his guilty face contradicted him.

Neville barely contained his tut, sigh and eye roll as he stated the obvious; that they were going to sneak out again.

"No, no, no," Hermione chimed in. "No, we're not. Why don't you go to bed, Neville?" _Pfft, as if._

Harry was glancing worriedly at the clock, clearly keen to get going so Neville upped the ante.

"You can't go out," he said in his most simple voice, making his eyes wide and slightly vacant. "you'll be caught again. Gryffindor will be in even more trouble." As much as Neville wanted this disaster sorted out he wasn't about to let the trio mess things up to the point that the Slytherins might win the house cup.

"You don't understand," Harry pleaded, "this is important." Neville doubted that Harry really understood how important it was or how easy it would be for Neville to resolve. Nope, he would have to stop them somehow and discreetly take care of it himself.

"I won't let you do it," he said, moving to block the portrait hole from them. "I'll – I'll fight you!" Well, he would pretend to fight them; it wouldn't look good for Gryffindor if he accidentally killed three of his fellow students.

"Neville, get away from that hole and don't be an idiot -" Ron screeched.

"Don't you call me an idiot!" Neville growled back; he thought it was a little rich for Ron Weasley to be calling anyone an idiot, though he was glad his act was as convincing as he had intended. He was also getting a little tired of this conversation but threw in a little simplicity to keep up his facade. "I don't think you should be breaking any more rules! And you were the one who told me to stand up to people!"

"Yes, but not to us," Ron sighed. "Neville, you don't know what you're doing." Neville had to stop himself falling to the floor in fits of laughter. Instead he dropped Trevor and raised his fists, stepping up to Ron and trying not to smirk.

"Go on then, try and hit me! I'm ready!" Though he said the words in his simple idiot voice there was a glint of truthfulness in them. A very small part of him hoped Ron would try, though that would end badly for everyone; mainly Ron. Out of the corner of his eye which was still fixed on Ron, Neville saw Harry whisper something to Hermione. He took another step forward, preparing himself for whatever ludicrous solution they would have thought of.

"Neville," Hermione said, "I'm really, really sorry about this." She pointed her wand at Neville and cried "Petrificus Totalus!"

Having no real choice but to stay in character, Neville reacted the way any normal person who had just had a full body bind placed on them would respond; he went completely rigid and fell to the ground. In no time Hermione was rolling him onto his back and he looked up at their worried faces as Hermione explained what she had done.

Neville concentrated on staying completely still; waiting for them to leave. He figured he had done his part in trying to protect his fellow students and the house cup; he would ensure that everything would work out anyway and he knew Dumbledore would overloaded Harry with enough points that Gryffindor would still win. Letting the trio think they had managed to put a full body bind on him was going a little far in his eyes; the idea of it was completely absurd. Neville chuckled inwardly at the sudden thought that he was again saving the day but this time he was doing it lying down.

As the trio slipped out through the portrait hole Neville got to his feet and dusted off his comical pyjamas. He sighed to himself wondering whether to sort everything out himself or to inform one of the teachers. He resigned himself that the 'higher powers' would probably want him to let them know and not risk exposing himself and so he set of reluctantly to McGonagall's office.

He passed Professor Snape in the corridor but without an audience to bear witness to his tormenting, and see Neville unable to retaliate, Snape cowered into the shadows and averted his eyes.

Neville told McGonagall what had happened and that Harry and co had gone after Quirrell who had gone after the stone. He saw panic flicker in her eyes and he knew she was fighting the urge to ask Neville to fix it all. She chewed her bottom lip for a moment and then, with what sounded like great strain she thanked him and told him he could go back to bed, which he did with a feeling of slight frustration at not having been able to save the school directly, or kick any ass that day; everyone was far too wrapped up in Harry and companies' assumed success to notice that he hadn't still been lying immobile on the common room floor.


End file.
